We are working on our first set of resources, and we have decided to title it, “Elephant in the Church“. We have all heard the saying, “There is a elephant in the room” - it is an idiom that means there is a problem that everyone knows very well, but no one talks about because it is taboo, embarrassing, etc. That is how a lot of sexual issues are in the church. Everyone knows they are there, but no one wants to talk about them. So as we are developing this resource in a creative, but gospel centered way, can you help us by commenting below the answer to these questions:
What “elephants” do you see in the Church?
What are the top unaddressed sexual problems you see in the church?
Thank you for your support and feedback. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to contact us.
There’s a heard of elephants I think, but here are a few I see:
1. The almost unrelenting onslaught of pastoral failures in sexual sin. People see pastors fall into sexual sin and “restored” back to ministry faster than you can say “pastor sabbatical”, sometimes restored even after divorcing their wife and re-marrying. Hard to teach that sexual sin is serious when the highest level leadership in the church seems to bounce back with nary a scratch.
2. The glorification of homosexuality in the youth. It’s become something cool to try and do.
3. The failure of abstinence programs to address heart level issues of sexual sin.
The pastors resource would be huge man! WOW. GREAT IDEA!
The mother elephant I see is pornography/masturbation addiction. It is spoken of as a “trivial sin” of sorts but the underlying truth is it is destroying the minds of men, women and youth. The truth about the effects of porn must be addressed and dealt with as a serious issue.
Yeah this is a big mother elephant!
I agree with all the above… Plus the lack of any sexual education at
an early age… Where do kids in the church first learn about sex? Usually tv, movies, books, magazines
friends, etc… Then maybe parents and last the church. Big elephant is horrible examples of leadership and poor discipline to sexual sin, where is the heart change? Even if there is teaching, it’s all surface level do’s and don’ts…
great point. What do you think of a Parent resource that we can help them to teach there children?
I totally agree with the porn/masturbation. Another one I see is lack of real leadership/discipleship and not just a class on it but people living shared lives together for the purpose of Christlikeness.
Jeremiah,
Brother that is right on. The goal of Pure Path is to resource these real relationships. I think a resource talking about that would be amazing. Great stuff. I totally share your passion on that.
The elephant I see is we see people in the church who are unmarried and living together and we say nothing. Then they have a child and are still not married. Then the child grows up thinking it is ok because my parents did it. We know this is wrong but yet we have become complacent and have taken this thats their business attitude.we are responsible for one another we have to speak up. God wants to know will we STAND UP as his chosen people
Galatians 6:1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
Joshlyn,
Thanks for your insight. Very true point.
How would you suggest we deal with that?. We have at least 2 couples in our church that I can think of that are living together. We have told them lots of time to get things right, shared the word….., but they still haven’t wanted to do it.
Health. Emotional health. This is a huge deal because it colors how we function as a body. All these interpersonal relationships, sexual sins and deep heart issues are affected in a massive way by the health of the individuals involved. When it comes time to “deal” … the health of the individuals involved and the health of the local church involved is so huge it’s almost impossible to measure. This is such a broad issue simply because of the nuances of relationships but let me point out one thing …
Matthew 18 shows us how to deal with conflict. I think one of the most disobeyed commandments in scripture is here. If there is conflict … go work it out. But we let it sit. We allow people to bring up unresolved issues in the form of prayer requests. We listen when others tell us about the way so and so hurt so and so. The end result is an unsafe culture. If you are willing to share intimate details with me about Mrs. Jones … i’m pretty sure my “stuff” isn’t safe with you. There are a million ways this happens but if we don’t have the stones to stop a conversation in the name of preserving oneness … we are missing it and elephant remain in the room because it’s just not safe to “go there”. These interactions may be tough in the moment but they create a safe atmosphere and people come to respect it.
If we do the hard work of creating a healthy culture by not allowing the small divisive things to have a place … we create an atmosphere that is safe. I am convinced this is the atmosphere where all kinds of elephants in the room become just another conversation about a broken people who were saved by a merciful God. I hope this makes sense.
By the way I didn’t create this atmosphere. It was here when I got here and I get to be a part of it. Conversations really are stopped here and the words “love you man but you need to have this conversation with Mrs. Jones” really are said on a regular basis. The trickle down effects are hard to capture on paper. It’s not sexy and it will probably never sell out a church conference but simply living out Matthew 18 has helped this place become a haven for broken people with questions and issues. In that atmosphere of safety there is no need to ignore the elephant in the room.
I think the whole reason we have elephants in the room is because most church cultures are sick and unhealthy. Dealing with the elephant in the room is more than most are willing to do because of the lack of safety and self control.
Most people dealing with pornography, masturbation or anything traditionally shameful are struggling with even the need to confess. “I’ll really do it this time”. When they finally get to the point of desperation they will really OBSERVE the culture to see if this is a safe place they can be real.
Kudos to you crazy folks for approaching it like this! Obviously you are creating a culture that is not afraid to confront reality. Love it!
in the above scenario it becomes unsafe to gossip. It’s unsafe to act like you got things down. It becomes unsafe to push your formula for unprecedented growth. It’s unsafe to be the one trying to hide the elephant. You simply have a broken community that is blown away and grateful at how God seems to be putting them back together. Just beautiful man.
Time after time I have sat in a counseling room with a positive test client telling me she has to get an abortion because she just can’t tell her parents she pregnant, “they are very religious”. Somethings wrong here . . . is that an elephant that I smell